My divorce was finalized on Sept 6th 2016. What a weird thing to say...
I took the news really well, I expected to feel something but I didn't... The papers however, I felt something when I held them the first time... They're so final... I remember holding my marriage certificate the first time and running my finger over the raised seal of the state of WA... Feelin hopeful and full of electric... I did the same thing with these papers but instead I felt failure and heartbreak...
My marriage ended... No matter how many times I say it or read it or type it or think it it never sounds right it never feels right...
I have a man who loves me in ways Josh never even got close to... In ways Josh COULDNT possible love me... And yet even as he lays asleep next to me, my back pressed tightly to his side, I feel lost... Sometimes at night while he's sleeping I grab onto him or lay my head on his chest just to hear his heart beat and feel him naturally wrap his arms around me... To ground me, to pull me back to earth...
I covered my "T" tattoo last week... It was both freeing and heartbreaking to see it go... I replaced it with a mermaid for my grandpa... It felt right... The idea came to me at the last second and I'm so glad it did!
I can hear Billy softly snoring next to me, it's soothing and the steadiness is slowly putting me to sleep... In 61 days this beautiful man will be my husband... I know it seems fast but I know it's right...
I've made this leap of faith before but this time it's different this time I have a partner not just a man who needs me...
I know the mistakes I made last time and how not to make them again...
I know what I want and who I want to be and how not to fall into Billy's shadow... How to keep myself while I slowly merge with him... How to stay 2 halves of a whole that overlap in all the right places ❤️
