Sunday, September 9, 2012

Suddenly not so steady footing...

(tomorrow I will go back and add more detail to all of these I just wanna get the basics written out)

Josh got back from K9 school in July of 2009, we took 2 week of leave and went to NJ to re new our vows in our big wedding (Which we referred to as "I do Take 2")

Everything was great... until we got back.

I knew Josh had symptoms of PTSD before we got married I wasn't stupid but up to this point it was pretty well under control (Or so I thought) Years later (About 6 months ago) he told me that he was having flash backs daily at the point in our lives... sometimes while driving down I5 he'd swear he was back in Afghan... I had no idea of any of that at the time ofcourse...

As much as I knew the symptoms where there he would never ever admit it. Anytime it was brought up he'd blow me off and tell me he was fine and couldn't wait to deploy again. This lead to many fights in our house...

He was working a lot... we fought all the time... He would stay late, go in early, go in on days off... He would tell me he was going to work and he'd be home in a few hours and then 12 hours later he'd call and say he would be longer...

We spent holidays at the kennels, we were there all the time... He worked all the time it seemed and I was always alone... Not alone like I am here, There I had my friends but I never had Josh and I was so jealous of the women who had their husbands... It didn't make sense to me how they all make the same amount of money but Josh had to be there so much more... He never had days off, never had 4 days, never had DONSAs, we didn't even have weekends...

He was given orders in December to deploy to Afghanistan in support of Operation Enduring Freedom in April.

3 days before he was set to deploy I ended up having to take him to MAMC (Madigan Army medical Center) because he had a full blown panic attack in the living room. To this day, if you ask him about this he can't tell you what really happened. He swears I induced the panic attack, that I was screaming in his face what he doesn't remember is that I was screaming "BREATHE!!! You have to breathe for me look at me and breathe Sweetheart your lips are turning blue you have to breathe!!!!"

He left on April 7, 2010... and so began deployment #2 and the beginning of the end...

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