The Sun is out again

2015. It's only April but already it's been the most life changing year of my life.

Josh has been retired a year, Ellen has been home for a year... My life is stable, my marriage solid, my family whole.

I'm finally coming into my own.. Granted about 7 years later then it should have happens but regardless Im happy. Im finally making up for lost time, finally doing the things I wanted and experiencing the world in the ways I should have in my early 20s.

Josh knows I gave up everything when he was injured and it means the world to me that he fully supports me taking it all back.

I'm back in school, traveling again, have a job I adore... Everything I had when we got married, everything I had at 21 that I thought I had lost forever is back only this time we're not poor college students were adults able to do adult things, afford adult things.

The future is finally bright again... We finally have a future again not just a dark clouded life... I can finally see the sun again. 

Nearly a year

So it's been almost a year since Josh retired... Crazy to think so much has changed... Our marriage is more stable then it's been in years... He's by no means healthy or cured but we've come to accept the "new normal" and the daily stress that comes with it... 

Ellen coming home changed our lives in ways I never thought possible... Her love, her support, her just being here.. It's brought back parts of Josh I never once thought Id see again <3

I promise to start writing more again... Honestly, I stop writing when things aren't horrible because I'm fearful I'll jinx myself...

It's been a while

It's been months since I written and so much has happened and changed... Josh retired, began new treatment at the VA, oh ELLEN CAME HOME, ya know nothing big I just fought SecArmy with the help of Congress and won :)

We went to KY for random 2014 in Feb while we waited for Ellen to come home... And in Oct were going to Disneyfor a week with Joshs mom and my grandma (can't wait!)

But the big shocker in the past few days is Josh booked a surprise weekend trip in Jan for us... 2 nights at Animal Kingdom Lodge with a Arusha view room for our Anni! Even got us a dining plan! I have no idea how were ever gonna eat that much food haha he got us the deluxe dining plan... For each meal we EACH get an appi, entree and dessert! That's a ton of food hahaaha but more on our Anni adventure later!

But things have been far from magical :/ we've had some serious issues in our marriage, issues that I'm not sure we can get past but I really am not ready to talk about them publicly... Esp since I know my blog is followed by news companies who followed Ellen's homecoming...

 

Josh had a seizure on June 28th... It was the scariest thing I've ever seen in my life... He has no memory of it but I sure do... I didn't sleep for weeks after it happened and I still have a hard time...

We have however started sleeping in seperate rooms... Not for bad reasons but because Ellen sleeps with him now LOL she's cuddled with him right now...

I'm gonna start writing more... I have a few topics already in mind... Lately the only thing I can think about is what would have happened had we never left Ft Lewis... What would our lives be like now?? I'm also going to make a post about Ellen's homecoming and his current treatments :)

Retired!!

I can't really write much right now I'm having a super bad ankle day so I took so pain meds and now I'm all lalalalal hahha but as of 5pm today Josh is officially medically retired and I couldn't be prouder of him <3

Oh also our kitchen exploded lmao the Plummer was here and while he was here  the pipes burst and the garbage disposal fell off and the dish washer took a shit so we bought a new Dish washer (so pretty!!! Praying it fits in the "hole") and the home Warranty are replacing the garbage disposal and fixing everything else (yay for the HW! This would been over $1300 and I paid $600 for a year of this coverage!!!!!)

Alrighty I'm going to bed I'll write more this week... So weird to think I'm aretired veterans wife and Josh is a vet not a soldier anymore :) 

One week

Wow. It's all come down to this.

In one week our lives will change forever. In one week Josh will be out of the army.

And yet here we are 1 week before retirement STILL fighting the army! Nothing can ever be easy!

They messed up his orders and forgot to include terminal leave... BIG uh-oh!

When you get out of the army (ETS or medical retirement/discharge basically anyway except chapter or dishonorable) you have 2 options: take what's called "terminal leave" where you use up all your left over leave days and are just on leave til your ETS date being paid full pay and BAH like any other time your on leave or you can sell back your leave time but you only get base pay and it's taxed to shit.

If you ask me anyone who sells back their leave is an idiot.

For us it's the difference of $4500 right off the bat by losing BAH and then whatever they tax! No way! Josh has earned that money!!

So for the past month or so Josh has been working to have his orders amended so we get his terminal leave... Here's to hoping it works!

Once he's out of the army I'm not sure what's going to happen it's a whole new world and that's both exciting and terrifying... We've both only know military life... I don't know what it means to be able to live wherever you want or go on vacation wherever you want or anything...

We know he is going to go to college and he picked political science as his major.. He's hoping to go to law school and become a politician to help other vets.

The army says PTSD is accepted and they don't judge and won't punish but that's an out and out lie as we've seen!

Right now I'm working really hard to our VFW's gala for cancer research... Last year we made $19K and were hoping to beat that this year!!!! 

Josh and I are also hoping to go on vacation to Europe once we know everything with the VA is settled. I can't help but be so scared that something awful is gonna happen with the VA... I've heard so many horror stories about people not being paid for months and months or the soldier not being able to get medical care or a whole list of other worst case issues...

I just want it all to go smoothly so badly... Just a nice calm tranisition... I hope Josh enjoys college and I hope he finds fulfillment in his civilian life...   

Dear *AWDIWH* fans

Hi ladies and thank you for taking the time out of your busy day to read this...

I know how scary the situation some of you are in is, I don't say this as someone who read a book or a dr or someone who is just trying to make you feel better I say this as someone who sat where you're sitting as someone who not all that long ago was doing just what your doing...

My husband deployed twice to Afghanistan in support of OEF. Both times a MP, once a regular MP and once a K9 MP. Neither time was he on a FOB.

I don't like to go into Joshs story on here because it isn't my story to tell. Also, there are parts of it due to OPSEC and respect for the wives of those who were KIA on the deployments that just doesn't need to be made public at all.

The first deployment was from Jan 07-April 08 That one was bad... But the second, April 10-May 11 was horrific. Things were on edge before he left the second time and the second deployment just sealed our fate.

Cliffnotes: Shit hit the fans in Oct of 2011, he was hospitalized on a 51/50 after I called 911, he ended up staying in patient for 3 full months. He now is in therapy 3 times a week, on a whole list of meds and still isn't the man I married, still isn't the man I kissed goodbye at the airport... When we fight and I bring that up he reminds me that man is dead now... It feels like a knife going straight through my heart...

Josh is being medically retired, we were given his ratings a few weeks ago and this week are expecting his orders to clear and begin terminal leave.

I want each and every one of you to know I am here for you!!! I am currently working to make Life After Homecoming a charity... I want to have a 24 hour hotline not for the soldiers and not ran by the military... A hotline that a wife can call at 3am when her husband just had a flash back and she knows she can't tell her friends (or atleast I know I felt I couldn't) and wants to talk to someone who understand but what's to be sure it won't end up in their records or in the hands on the chain of command.

Message me day or night, If you need to talk I am available here or I will gladly give you my number to call or text... 

I write this to release what I've been holding inside for many years. I am VERY aware the grammar and punctuation is awful, many times when I write we've had an exceptionally bad day and I'm writing this from the blogger app on my iPhone in bed crying so I'm very sorry for that... I thought about going back and editing it but I don't want to take away from the true emotion.

Thank you for reading and I hope to talk soon

-Sher

The real me

Thank you to a random Facebook game. Thank you for forcing me to remember things about myself I had forgotten 

1. 13 is my favorite number and I think it's lucky

2. Moving to WA was the scariest thing I've ever done and without question the best I have never once doubted what I did 

3. While Ill always be a Jersey Girl when I talk about "home" I'm talking about WA 

4. I can't sleep without "How I met your mother" on... It drives Josh insane 

5. The first time I ever stayed in a hotel by myself was after Josh was injured 

6. I never drank til I turned 21

7. I have ever card I've ever been given 

8. Seeing or hearing someone chew on an ice pop makes me want to scream I'm getting goosebumps thinking about it

9. Peter Pan is without question my fave Disney movie... and even after all the times I've been to Disney World I still get excited EVERYTIME I see the sign... I love it not for what it is but for what it brings out in me when I'm there it brings me back to a simpler time 

10. I HATE vomit! My own, other peoples, the dogs, hearing it, smelling it, seeing it, knowing it was done GAH yuck

11. I like my dogs and cat more then anyone 

12. I've broken my right foot 8 times and had 2 major surgeries to fix it

13. No matter where I live I've never gone a summer without going to Wildwood NJ

14. I hated Ellen when I first met her, referred to her as "the homewrecker" for the first year Josh had her then she saved his life the first time and I've loved her ever since so much so that I'm fighting the Army to adopt her

15. I believe in ghosts 110% and I'm sure I've seen them before

16. For my 16th birthday my then boyfriend paid to have an Oompa Loompa deliver me candy to my front door because I always joked that I wanted one because who doesn't want a chocolate making slave?!?

17. I'm kinda sorta obsessed with Kate Middleton and all the royals really

18. When we booked our Jamaica vacation post deployment we were there in under 24 hours on booking it

19. I watch Grey's Anatomy because it reminds me of home

20. One of the most awe-inspiring moments of my life was the first time I saw Mt Rainer on a clear day... I have yet to see anything as naturally beautiful

21. I went to church (roman catholic) every Sunday til I was 21 and wanted to marry Josh. The church refused to marry us so I left the church and found one that accepted our lifestyle (military) to marry us 

22. Since being married Josh and I have been to 27 states and 1 country together by the end of 2014 our goal is to add 3 more countries and at least 5 states!

23. My childhood dog, Ranger, will always have a huge piece of my heart and I believe he will greet me in heaven when I die

24. I spent my whole life wanting true friends and the army has blessed me with the best a girl could ever ask for  the issues is I still don't have friends I now have family all over the world

25. I'm am frequently stressed out about things I did or said that I feel guilty for from years ago