So today I was forced to take a very big step and realized I was in no way, shape or form prepared for it... So Josh has an eye infection from his contacts so he isn't allowed to drive (tech, I shouldn't be either being that my foot is broken but whatever at least I can see lol) so I took Josh to the dr today on Ft Myer... Rader Clinic... The place where my whole nightmare began...
It was awful. I mean nothing "really" happened but I was on edge the whole time... Chewing my nails, tapping my foot, wouldn't let Josh out of my sight for even a second... I was ready to puke and felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest... It was a nightmare!
I'm by no means even remotely close to being ok with Ft Myer, the events of 2011, or the medical care provided at that hell hole of a clinic...
Guess I'm not as far past everything as I thought I was :/ I really thought maybe I'd be ok but nope...
It's not so much anger any more as it is fear... I'm scared to death of ending up like we were... I'm scared to death of having to go though that again I just don't have the energy in me to do it again...I'm not strong enough...
And more then fear, it's embarrassment... These people think I'm an awful person, they think I abuse my husband and scream and throw fits for no reason none of them see how he was behaving... No one sees why I was like that...
Im gonna try something right now... It's 2:51am and I'm gonna attempt to finish writing this, write 1 more quick post a d then go to sleep... I wanna see if I can pull myself outta this funk I'm in... I'm right on the edge of a panic attack and I'm not gonna let it happen! I am stronger then this, I'm in control, Josh is sound asleep Laying next to me, Guinness and Jameson are at our feet... Our family is whole and safe and together and happy...
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