Awful to admit

I can't believe I'm writing this... I feel like the worst person in the world admitting this but I have to... I have to be totally honest here because if I'm not, where can I be totally honest?

Sometimes I wish Josh had a physical injury that people can see when they look at him...

People look at him and see a healthy 6'5 man they see the medicated side of him and they hear us say what is going on and then they say things like

"It's not THAT bad is it?"

"At least he still has all his limbs"

"Just think at least he's healthy and whole"

And I stand there dumbfounded...

YES it's that bad... Yeah he has his arms and legs too bad he lost his brain... And are you fucking stupid he's not healthy!!!

People have made PTSD into a joke they fake it so much, abuse the system so much, lie so much that everyone thinks its fake and made up and bullshit...

It's ruining our lives...

If he had a physical injury so many things would have been different... Noone could tell me I caused his problems, no one could say he's faking, no one could say we're exaggerating because you could look at him and clearly see the injury with your eyes... There would be no speculation, it wouldn't be at the thoughts of the doctors... It would be black and white. No gray... I had the color gray...

It's easy to see how lost limbs effect someone's life, no one can fight that it's cut and dry the process is simple and the same across the board but mental injuries are different how do I explain how hard it is to be living with a stranger? How do I express what it's like to not know the man who's laying in bed next to you...

Never knowing which side of him your gonna get never knowing who's gonna wake up never knowing if it will be a good day or bad day...

Sometimes he changes in seconds... He's totally fine and then BAM he's an ass...

So today I'm gonna take a stand against this... When he comes up stairs in a few mins (he's down stairs playing with Guinness hehe) I'm gonna call my friend Trevor and have him 3 way his friend Allan and the 4 of us are going to come up with a plan to ensure Josh gets the treatment he needs and the rating he deserves I refuse to be thrown under the bus again, pushed aside anymore, treated like a second rate citizen ever again and if that means we have to be the whistle blowers against Ft Belvoir Hospital, Radar Clinic and the Old Guard then fine! So be it!

If they have done these things to us then it means they've done these things to other people and I refuse to let it happen to anyone else...

I have a feeling things are gonna get wild around here soon... Part of me is worried about what they are gonna do to fight back when we go at them with all we have I know how they work they're most def gonna fight back but I won't be scared anymore!!!

I will NOT let them scare me anymore I will NOT let them hurt my family again. I will NOT let them hurt another family.

I'm preparing to go to war... Just because you can't see his injuries doesn't mean they aren't there and I'm about to bring his injuries into light!