Mind blank

I want to write but I can't seem to lock onto one topic and then once I do the topic just seems so big so time consuming I feel like I can't get the words out fast enough I can't hit the keys quick enough to keep up with where my mind is going I can't find the words to express how I feel how angry I am how sick of the army I am

How heartbroken I am, how down right broken I am.

All I see around me are people abusing the system and no one is standing up and saying "NO" no one is telling these people to stfu and work for what they get and stop pretending to deserve something they don't deserve

I want to feel whole again I want my life back I want Josh's life back... I just want the pain to stop

Here we are we want more then anything to go back to normal and it can never happen and these people just suck the system dry so Josh can't even get help when he needs it so badly...

I can't get help I can't find anyone who understands who I can turn to... I feel so alone all the time... More alone then I ever felt when he was deployed and he's sitting right next to me...