Tuesday, January 22, 2013

The book

So here I sit at the chiropractor and I'm not gonna lie I get pretty bored laying with the tens machine on my back for 20 mins before he adjusts me haha so I figured Id give you guys an update on the book

In the blog you see rambling, crazy thoughts but the book is the story and its in the works!

I have the framework done and now I'm going back in and adding the details

The thing I'm having the hardest time with is not putting the emotion in... I was so angry so hurt so scared while all this was going on that I know my vision of what was happening was a little off... I wanna be honest and I want to write what they did wrong but I know I wasn't 100% right either so where is the happy mid?

What I've been trying to do now that the frame work is there is break down the story into the tiniest pieces I can...

But there are parts of the story that I'm scared of... Parts I don't know if I could stomach to write parts that if I was totally honest with I fear I would turn friends against me, hell some parts are borderline criminal haha

I was not totally right, I made my mistakes as well I was acting without thinking, fueled by emotion... I now understand the term "crime of passion"

The further out we get the more I remember the things I did wrong, the things I wish I would have done different the things that I had taken two seconds to breathe before doing could have changed our whole story...

I can remember standing outside his drs office in the hospital screaming at the top of my lungs that if he went to that hospital I'd leave him, I remember now being in our living room after he threatened to kill himself for the 100th time and snapping... I had no energy left, didn't know what else to do so I did what "sounded good" at the time and that was to say fuck it and pop some Percocet we had in the cabinet from an injury a few weeks earlier I told him "fine if you wanna die let's do it be my Romeo asshole!" I didn't take enough to OD just enough to scare him a bit and make myself pretty damn sick...

Should I be honest about those parts? Make myself seem more human then super wife? Or will that make me the enemy? Make me the most hated wife on earth? What do you think?

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