Tomorrow morning I'm off to NYC for the Wounded Warrior Project Writing Retreat... I was really excited about going until yesterday... I saw the status of another woman who's also attending the retreat it was about how excited she is to see Ground Zero.
I never thought I'd see the words "excited" and "Ground Zero" in the same sentence. It looked wrong they don't belong together, the 2 have nothing in common.
It made me mad, madder then I've been in a long time... It insulted me on a level I can't even explain...
I was there I saw it I watched it happen I felt the ground shake as they fell I saw the black sky above I sat in my 9th grade classroom and sobbed I remember running to the office and calling my dad and begging him not to go to work...
How can anyone be "excited" to see that?!
I don't know how I'm gonna get though this weekend... I was looking forward to it but I'm not anymore... The closer its getting to leaving the more stressed and scared I am... I don't wanna leave Josh... Next Friday is THE day and I just don't even like him going to work let alone be away for 4 days but I have to :/
He's doing better and I know he'll be ok without me but I'm still fearful I still make him call me every morning when he gets to work, I still freak out if I can't get ahold of him for even 5 mins...
It's getting better but it's still hard and now I'm thinking about what life on the outside is going to be like and it's even more stressful...
Will he be able to hold down a job? Will I be able to handle the hours he has to work? Will he even be able to get a job with a medical discharge? How long do we have left with the army? Is he going to get retired or discharged? So many unanswered questions and all are so stressful to me...
I'm really starting to think I made the wrong choice. I'm really starting to believe that I fucked our whole lives up... I should have just kept my mouth shut...
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