Saturday, October 20, 2012

Writing retreat Day 1 Part 2

(After lunch, Day 1 part 2)

**Read Deep Survival
Writing exercise:
Imagine yourself looking out the living room window of yourhouse describe everything you see, in about 15 mins a 2nd character walks into the room describe himor her they looke you in the eye  andsays something

I was sitting in the living room on the couch drinking a cupof tea wrapped up in a blanket. Normally I have music on or am watching TV buttoday it was quiet  and I was looking outthe window. I was watching as the leaves that not but a few days ago were greennow change to orange and yellows and fall to the ground slowly each time thewind blew. I watched as the kids across the street played in their front yardyelling loudly and laughing at each other I wondered what they were playing andwhat they were pretending to be.  Ithought to myself “We really need to get a land scaper” as I looked at the oncealive flower beds now full of dead plants and weeds I’ll make a call about thattomorrow I thought but today I just want to sip my tea.

After a while Josh walked into the room, he had just gottenback from getting his hair cut like he did every Sunday and I was struck by how“Soldier-ish” he looked. His hair cut into the mandatory High skin fade,wearing the black and white argial sweater I bought for him last year for ourChristmas pictures, pictures that were never taken.  I hate that sweater.  He has hazel eyes and today I was happy tosee they were green which meant he was in a good mood and he was smiling as hewaved a cell phone excitedly in my face “LOOK!!!!!” he yelled like a 5 year oldon Christmas morning “RISE AGAINST IS PLAYING A SHOW!! THEY NEVER PLAYANYWHERE!!” Wow. That was much more animated then I expected to say the leastand it snapped me out of my day dream about the leaves and back into the realworld I had to squeeze my eyes shut for a second to be able to focus on himproperly “Um Ok… Where are they playing” I asked calmly scared to death he wasgoing to tell me in like Germany or something wild “DISNEY WORLD! At DowntownDisney!!” was his answer, well that I could work with! He went on to explainthat it was on Nov 30th and that he wanted to take me to see thelights at the Magic Kingdom to make up for how awful last Christmas was hewanted so badly to give me back the Christmas I had missed last year That I personally still feel he took from me Hetook my hand smiling and said “Lets go! Just book the tickets! Lets just GO!”and I did :D

I’m not gonna lie being in this group is seriously pissingme off…. I’m so tired and I just want to go to sleep so badly but I know wehave hours of writing and activities ahead of us (Its currently 2:30pm and theysaid we’ll be going til about 8:30) I think I’m gonna chug a 5hour energy andhope for the best ahha

 OMG it tastes awfulAHHHH Its supposed to be pink lemonade and its so not GAG!!! Ahhh I’m trying toswallow enough water to get the taste outta my mouth and its not working
I’m so excited to turn this into a book I can already see mybook in my head I can see the cover I can see people buying it and I want it! Iwant the book to be real I want it in my hends instead of in my head

***Contact publishing companies

JESUS These women are still talking about their fucking kidsSHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just talk about the illness and the injuries I don’twant to hear about kids!!!!!!

I’m missing Josh a lot right now I can feel him next to mebut I know he’s know it’s the weirdest thing being away from him makes me feellike he’s deployed again I saw him last night on Facetime before we went to bedand it was so strange to see him laying on our couch in our living room and notin a shack in Afghanistan… I had to do a double take and to make sure he wasreally there and I wasn’t seeing things

***Go into details about the drive to poplar springs, thedrive back to Belvoir and how Josh looked and how I felt seeing him atBelvoir,  Roxbury and Poplar Springs

“Bird by bird” go into details don’t go past what ishappening at this very moment

I’m so sick of hearing about these effing kids!!! This womanhas not talked about anything but her kids which makes me wonder what kind of awife she is as awful as that sounds it makes me wonder if shes neglecting herspouse because she’s so obsessed with her fucking kids

I wanna talk about the soldiers and the deployment and theinjuries not fucking kids!!!!

Assignment #2 Write about someone trying to persuade someoneto do something wrong ONLY duologue
Wow this is much MUCH harder for me!

Person 1:  We shouldgo to Waverly Hills Sanitarium tonight and walk around
Person 2: Uh isn’t that breaking and entering?
 Person 1: Yeah butwhos ever gonna know?
Person 2: The Police if we get caught?
Person 1: Who cares?
Person 2: Um me.. I’d really like to avoid jail tonight!
Person 1: Come on it ‘ll be SO cool I went last week andwalked around and it looked like they just got up and walked out one day no oneis anywhere around we’ll park down by the burger king and walk up so no onewill notice we are there its totally abandoned
Person 2: What  elseis there?
Person 1: The psych medical records are still in the filesand you can sit and read them! The IVs are still next to the beds and it lookslike it was just hooked up to someone this morning but theres dust everywhereand that’s all there is to tell you no one is there anymore its like a timewarp you have to see it!
Person 2: Fine! Ok Lets go just don’t get us arrested!

I want to start writing right now I want to just startwriting about what happened but I’m afraid to do it right this second because Idon’t think I could stop and I’m honestly afraid I’ll have a full blownbreakdown but I have so much I want to say and I’m so scared I’m going toforget it

Write about being afraid of the dark how I used to love thedark but now its when the voices are so loud and I second guess everythingthat’s going on so I have to sleep with the TV on to block out the voices toquiet them to make it so I can get any sleep at all

 OMFG I don’t want tohear this retard complain about her fucking daughter anymore THE GIRL WAS HURTIN FUCKING BASIC NOT WAR!!!!
Going through an MEB is nothinglike going to war! Nothing like being injured in combat
She went to congress to complain that this girls VApaperwork hadn’t gone though? WTF???

She’s sitting here sobbing like this is some kinda traumaticevent and its just so stupid to me I can’t stand her acting like the world isending because of something this stupid She’s all “I was afraid she’d killherself” blah blah blah SHUT UP ITS BASIC! Your not special your kid isn’tspecial!!

Shes all I didn’t feel like she was safe SHE WAS IN BASIChow was she not safe?!

Now shes bitching that they didn’t pay for her hotel andflight UM NOT THEIR JOB! That’s  theUSMC’s problem!

I feel like I have to get out of here I’m not sure I cankeep my mouth shut much longer

I can’t handle people acting like all injuries are createdequal I feel like this woman just wanted a free vacation because regardless ofwhat anyone says her daughter is NOT a wounded warrior shes just a woundedperson

Theres nothing about her that makes her a soldier or aMarine or whatever according to the USMC standards she WAS NEVER a USMCpersonally I don’t think recruits should be allowed in WWP

Josh just called me and I had to walk out of the seminarHe’s freaking out about the MEB and how if he can’t get this paperwork printedwe’ll have to start the whole process again and I am like big deal worse thingshave happened and whats the worst that can happen?  They have to pay us more LOL I don’t care howlong this shit takes!
He’s earned it he’s earned every extra cent he’s earnedeverything unlike this woman’s daughter who is just sucking off the system

I feel like I have barely gotten to talk about today aboutmy story or what happened to us because the 2 women keep talking about theirfucking kids!I want more time with the mentors and I want to learn I don’t wantto hear another word about this kids OMFG!

I wish people would either talk about their husbandsdeployments or I could just go back to the room

I’m sure I’m written the same thing 500 times but I’m typinginst             ead of saying it outloudor screaming at the top of my lungs

This woman doesn’t know anger she doesn’t know pain shedoesn’t know how bad it can get!

I wish I could go and pull someone to the side and justburst into tears and tell what I really feel how I am so sick of hearing thisand how its making everything 10 times harder for me to hear someone complainabout something so stupid when I’m going though something so hard

Homework: Work on something youwant to work on I want to write the details I wrote above I want the drive toBelvoir written and how I felt seeing Josh for the first time 

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