Already lonely

So I got home on Monday at 6pm VA time and I swear as soon as I got off the plane I felt totally empty

I haven't even been back a week and I already miss WA more then I can even explain... Don't get me wrong, I don't miss the state I *HATE* the state its cold and rainy and trying to kill me but I miss Ft Lewis I miss my friends I miss knowing all the little short cuts and secret spots I miss being able to skip traffic by sneaking in 1 gate and out the other... I miss the rare sunny day when the sky is so blue and the trees are so green and you can see for miles and miles...

I miss late nights with my friends, I miss laughing I miss always having someone to hang with, somewhere to go, something to do...

I feel so torn, Part of me wants to move back but the other part knows that soon, so very soon, everyone I know will be spread across the country and my memories will be all I have left...

I mean Roxie is leaving before the end of the month and Susan before the end of the year... like I've said before Alicia and Lori are already gone...

I just miss what I knew, I miss what is normal to me... I know it sounds stupid but my time at Lewis was so much more simple, I was younger and still believed anything was possible, Josh was healthy (Or so we thought) we thought we had years left to travel the world with the Army had no idea what was about to happen...

I guess I miss who I was in WA more then I miss the location... I was very independent there... Josh was always at work or deployed so I was alone a LOT and got very used to that so it never really bothered me... As soon as I was back in WA I went right back into that mind set and I loved it... I'm not sure if it was the state or being with my friends (Thus being busy), knowing my way around without needing GPS or the fact that I had my own car and could go where ever I wanted at any time that made me fall back into "Deployment Mode"

But I'm back in VA now so I just need to get used to that and try to find a way to bring the WA me into who I am here... While I was in WA I was driving down Bridgeport Ave in Lakewood and saw a bill board for a car dealership and the car brand new was only $12K (The same car here was $20K) I spoke to Josh about it and he said its something to think about maybe when we get the money for the lawsuit from the car accident we could take a Space A flight out to there and buy the car then drive it or ship it back (For a savings like that its worth the drive or $1200 shipping!!!)


Speaking of being back in VA... I was going to go to Josh's therapy appointment with him today but I decided against it... I'm not ready to go to Rader clinic yet I'm not at a point where I think I'm strong enough to go there without having a panic attack and I'd rather not push it so I asked Josh if he could have his therapist call me and she did... She was VERY nice I was very impressed and feel very comfortable with her  treating him... She was understanding of my stand point on not trusting Ft Myer and she was supportive of his choice to not talk about Sgt Harris' death... Where as his prior therapist pushed him til he almost broke forcing him to tell the story over and over and over... it was to a point where it was making me twitchy to hear so many times so I don't have any idea how it was going to help him...

She said she would be happy to have me on speaker phone during his sessions and would call me after them if I like I was very impressed with the fact that she didn't push me about my Ft Myer issues and didn't accuse me of anything like his prior therapists have...

She asked me to send her his Belvoir records as she doesn't have them or access to them... Honestly, I'm HAPPY to send them to her and get them the hell out of my house sometimes seeing the green folder is all it takes to set me off so getting rid of them will be fantastic...

Tomorrow my friend Victoria (HI!) is moving up here with her family and they're going to stay with Josh and I for a few days til they are able to move into their on post house... I'm excited to have her here I really miss having good friends here like I had in WA... My friend Katelyn is coming in March for a week which I'm also excited about...

Josh has a 4 day weekend this weekend... We're gonna just relax tomorrow (Valentines) and have dinner in bed because I'm not feeling so great and Victoria will be here tomorrow night and then on either Friday or Sat we're going to go out for out little Valentines Date... I'm excited about it we're gonna go out to a nice dinner and go shooting (I know it sounds nuts but I love going shooting its such a great stress reliever!!!)

Well the dryer just went off time to make the bed then hit the sheets!! Night All!!