Thursday, February 21, 2013

Truth VS Facebook

I remember the first time I admitted to someone things weren't great between Josh and I...

It was Christmas Day during his second deployment and he was being an ass. Like a full blown monster...

He had gone to bed at like 5pm his time and that was the end of that so I went with my family over to my aunt's house for dinner when I got there my cousin asked me what was wrong because I was super distant and just avoiding everyone and I just slipped my guts I told her everything that was going on how scared I was how I was really thinking about leaving him how I didn't know if I could do it anymore the words poured from my mouth and I could stop them I had never spoken that truthfully or freely about what was going on to anyone and as I rambled all I could think was "stop talking stop talking stop talking!!!!!!" But I couldn't.

And then she said the famous line that after his melt down I heard daily "But you look like your so happy on Facebook"

Yeah no shit.

I wish my life was even half as wonderful and careful as it appears on Facebook... I can edit my marriage down to a few cute pictures, a loving quote, and bullshit smilies and noone knows any better...

I was living in WA state, 2800 miles from my family, it was so easy to pretend it was stupid how the hell could they know that while I was posting "Dinner with my super hubby!" I meant I was dropping it off at the kennels and then leaving seconds later because if we spent more then 5 minutes in the same room while awake we'd fight? How could they know that "yay! Girls night!" Wasn't a fun night with my girlfriends but a desperate distraction because Josh was working nights again and I was afraid to be in our apartment alone at night? How could they know that when he would post "love you" on my wall it was his attempt at apologizing for screaming at me for hours about things I knew nothing about

They had no idea.

They didn't know the hours I spent alone, the days I spent wishing I had made a different choice wishing I could go home and pick up my life where it left off

Facebook makes lying so easy, it's telling the truth that's hard.

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