Friday, February 1, 2013

No fear.

Josh didn't answer his phone before

I talked to him at 1:45 after his dr appt and then I tried to call him at 2:45 and 3:45 with no answer...

Last year, last month, hell last week I would have had a full blown panic attack from him not answering... I would have convinced myself that he was back in the hospital, that they took him again... All the panic attack meds in the world wouldn't have calmed me...

But not today.

I just put the phone down and went back to watching the movie that's on Lifetime movie network... No fear, no panic, my heart didn't race, my breathing didn't increase... Nothing!!

I'm calm, were almost normal again... Our lives are becoming normal... Or however close to normal I could expect with a husband who's about to be retired at 26...

I started taking Prozac and adderll and it's made all the difference in the world...

Before the meds I was freaking out all the time I couldn't focus on anything I would look at the living room or the laundry or the bedroom and not even know where to start on cleaning up... So my answer would be fuck it I'm taking a nap but now I can calmly break things down into manageable pieces and tackle the tasks one at a time

I'm not scared... I know Josh loves me I know he is in a state of mind where he can protect himself, me and our marriage. I don't feel like I need to protect him anymore I know he can handle it on his own now

I have no more fear, just joy


  1. Yay!!! It's about time!!! Sorry it took me so long to actually "find" read your blog. I seriously kept forgetting were to go. lol love you!!!

  2. Love you too!!! Thank you for taking the time to read it :) can't wait to see you next week!!!