I thought he was going to turn back into First Deployment Josh like somehow being in Afghan again would just snap him back into reality and make him realize what was really important in life but it didn't...
He was cold, ice cold. He would say things that scared me outta my mind and then tell me if I told anyone he'd leave me... It was a nightmare having him on the other side of the world and not knowing if he was telling me the truth... He'd say he hoped rockets fell though the ceiling and killed him, he'd tell me he wanted to die in Afghan like a hero...
I've never been so scared in my life...
He was almost manic at times... one min loving me the next hating me... He'd be fine for a few days and then log in and tell me how much he hated me...
The one thing I will say for him though is he never lied and he was always there... He made every attempt to have contact with me as much as possible and I think that was one of the big differences between the deployments... I watched him fall apart on this one while on the other communication was so hard all we had time for was a quick I love you I'm ok before the internet or phone would cut out...
The year went fast, Must faster then I expected... But I wasn't scared of the deployment... I knew the whole time in my heart he would come home ok I was scared of homecoming.. I was scared of who was going to come home... Would he be my husband again or would this monster he had become be who greeted me at the airport?
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