Wednesday, September 19, 2012

I hate 9/20.

I hate September 20th. Not just a little bit, a lot. a WHOLEEEEEEEEEE lot. I can't believe its been 4 years... Its been 4 years since I hugged him, since I talked to him, since I made the biggest mistake of my life...

4 years ago today my grandpa died... and I didn't say goodbye... I knew he was having surgery and I didn't say goodbye...

It was Sept 2rd... I knew he was having surgery the next day... he came over to my parents (and at the time) my house for dinner and I can still see him sitting there laughing I can hear it... He had me download a funny ring tone on his phone for when grandma called him... He never got to use it...

I went upstairs half way though dinner, Josh called me and at this point he was still pretty bad into his drinking and didn't talk to me (or anyone really) much... My mom came into my room and told me grandpa was leaving and that I should say goodbye because he was having surgery in the morning... I think I yelled bye and told my mom I'd see him the next day... I wouldn't. If you've read this from the start you know what happened next... Grandpa died... I can't remember what his last words to me were... I really wanna go to a psychic today I wanna know what the last thing I said to him was so badly... It makes me crazy... for weeks after it happened I sat and tried to remember and I couldn't and I still can't and here I am 4 years later and I'm still going nuts over it...


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